The Frequency You're Transmitting

The Frequency That Shapes Your Friends

Most people don’t choose the wrong crowd on purpose. It happens quietly and almost invisibly. You move through the world broadcasting a certain emotional signal such as frustration, cynicism, resentment, or insecurity, and without realising it, you attract people who broadcast the same thing. You may not feel compatible with them, yet you keep ending up in their orbit. It feels like bad luck or fate or “that’s just how life goes.”

The drawing shows what is happening beneath the surface. The monsters represent the chaotic and draining energy some people carry by default. The friendly group on the right represents connection, stability, and warmth. The man in the middle desperately wants friends like them, but the signal coming off him matches the monsters instead. No matter how hard he tries, he loops back into the same kinds of relationships.

This isn’t about blame. It is about awareness. Your emotional broadcast shapes who gravitates toward you. When you shift that signal even a little, the kinds of people you attract shift too. That is when life begins to change.

The old saying comes to mind: “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys.” True. It is hard. But most people stop at the complaint. They blame the turkeys, resent the turkeys, swear they deserve better turkeys, yet never ask the only question that matters:

What signal am I transmitting?

This is where Eros and Thanatos come in. These are two powerful psychological energies first identified by Freud and expanded by Richard Rohr. Eros is the movement toward life and includes connection, creativity, bonding, compassion, and growth. Thanatos is the movement toward death and includes withdrawal, destruction, sabotage, cynicism, and fragmentation.

Everyone carries both. Everyone broadcasts both. Whichever one is louder determines the people who drift into your life.

Eros attracts grounded and growing people who lift you.

Thanatos attracts chaos such as drama addicts, emotional arsonists, and people who thrive on conflict and stagnation.

Here is the uncomfortable truth. If someone keeps finding themselves surrounded by turkeys, it is often because their inner dial is stuck on Thanatos. Not out of malice, but out of habit. Thanatos broadcasts loudly even when someone desperately wants Eros level connection.

The man in the drawing is not broken. He is simply tuned to the wrong frequency and does not realise it. His heart longs for Eros, but his nervous system is wired for Thanatos. Until he shifts that signal, he will keep attracting the very people he is trying to outrun.

The good news is that Eros strengthens the moment you choose it.

A boundary. A breath instead of a reaction. Stepping out of drama instead of diving in. Each act cleans the signal.

You do not escape the turkeys by fighting them. You escape them by changing what they respond to.

Which brings us to the real question. Am I a turkey magnet?

If the same chaotic, needy, or draining personalities keep showing up, it is not fate. It is frequency. You are broadcasting something they recognise. Something familiar.

That does not mean you are a turkey. It means your emotional habits, mindset, and unresolved patterns line up with theirs. You are tuned to the same station even if you hate the music.

When you shift your broadcast, the turkeys stop flocking to you. Not because you pushed them away, but because you are no longer transmitting what draws them in.

The goal is not to escape the turkeys. The goal is to stop being a magnet for them.

Of course, that is easier said than done. Old patterns tug you back. Old beliefs whisper. Old emotional frequencies try to reassert themselves. But one of the biggest obstacles is this:

The turkeys will not let you go without a fight. When you start cleaning up your signal, they feel it. Suddenly you are not feeding the gossip, not joining the pity party, not participating in emotional mud wrestling. That threatens them.

So they pull you back the only way they know how.

“You’ve changed.”, “Since when are you better than us?”, “You used to be fun.”, “Don’t be such a goody two shoes.”

Your growth exposes their stagnation. Your clarity exposes their fog. Your upward movement highlights their refusal to move. That discomfort has to land somewhere, so they throw it at you.

This is why many people stay stuck. Not because change is impossible, but because change disrupts the ecosystem they belong to. Every dysfunctional group has an unwritten rule:

No one leaves the nest.

But when you choose a different frequency, a cleaner and calmer one, the grip loosens. Slowly, then suddenly. And one day you realise you are not trying to escape the turkeys anymore.

You have simply stopped speaking their language.